Monday, September 6, 2010

I'll Be Damned

Let me tell you something funny about me.

I'm a writer. I write. It's what I do.

Yet any time there is pen and paper in front of me, any time I am at the computer, or even near it, I cannot think of a single thing worth writing down. It's as if all of my brain processes just stop. And the second that I step away, all of my thoughts come rushing. All of these things that I think, they only coem out of the woodwork when they know that they cannot be written down anywhere.

My bastard thought process. It's like a sick form of torture, really.

But recently I have figured out a way to send a big "fuck you" to my brain and I have started texting my thoughts to myself. I only hope that I don't catch on to what I am doing.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

This sign for Pretzel Crisps has been changed. I’m so glad. I mean, it’s not just me, right? You can’t just tell people that they can never be too thin. Trust me, they can.
Snack Factory says that their ass was about the pretzels themselves, since they are, in fact, not merely pretzels but pretzel crackers. That’s fine, but sheesh. Have they been living under rocks the past couple of years when anorexia has been becoming more and more of a problem in this country?

Besides, that stupid pack of pretzels packs about 660 calories per bag. I can think of plenty of big, fat snacks that are “thinner” than that.
I most definitely only slept for 3 hours last night. I have REALLY got to get better at this whole "sleep" thing. It just seems downright impossible these days.  Nightmares.
I work a 10 hour shift today, not exactly looking forward to it....but I seriously need money. Perhaps I'll drop by Subway on the way there and get myself a tasty veggie sub!
I'm missing the boy something fierce. It's been a while and it's not going to be anytime soon that I get to see him. He completely knocked the breath out of me yesterday. I had one of my "crazy girl" freakouts yesterday and SOMEHOW he wound up being the person that I called. Not exactly something I planned on, or am even okay with. Long story short, he was completely there for me and afterward when I was apologizing, he was completely understanding of my disorder and telling me that it wasn't my fault and that he really cares for me and wants to be there for me.
That's pretty much all that I have to allow for this morning.
Have a beautiful day. Do great things!
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I can think of nothing better
Than to be loved by you
I do believe I'd settle
Simply to be noticed
I was once the holder
Of your affections
Indeed, the object of your desire
But all that seems
So long ago
A distant dream
Slipping through my fingers
I’m having some serious issues lately. I’m in the slump of all slumps.
Sometimes I get tired of trying.
I feel like I’ll never be able to handle what’s going on around me.
The real problem is, I like to be in control.
I don’t mean that I’m in a control freak.
But when things are going on and I cannot control them, it freaks me out.
Especially when those things affect me and my life.
I need to learn to accept those things.
I need to learn to let go.
I need to get my shit together.
It’s the only way that I can live my life.